I’ve decided not to return next semester.
I’d originally planned on staying 2 to become as fluent as possible, but that’s not going to work out. It was a difficult decision to make (involving extensive pro-con lists) because I have so many great friends here, but I’m gonna be honest here and say this isn’t working for me. I’ve spent the whole semester trying my best. Speaking French all day long and taking classes entirely in French. Dealing with beaurocracy and a whole new culture with which I’m not familiar and I can’t get used to. The Paris attacks have highlighted everything in fear and uncertainty.
It’s difficult to convey through text how simply exhausting it is here…reading my other stories (about paperwork, mostly) will give you an idea about what life is like here on a daily basis. These past few weeks have gotten even more difficult, especially after the attacks. “It was fun while it lasted” as they say, but now the semester’s dragging on and I really just want to go home. You know finals week at home, where you’re so tired and worked to the bone? Well this is like that, but in another country, in a foreign language. I’m exhausted. No matter how many times I break down, I still can’t leave. I have exams to take before I go. I want to make it clear there have been really wonderful parts of this semester – but at the same time, I need some level of stability.
I desperately, desperately want to go home.